Sleep and your child; your best friend or your worst enemy?

The truth is, how well we think our baby sleeps is in the eye of the beholder. Many parents are happy if their child wakes many times at night and still perceives them as being a great sleeper, because they go right back to sleep after having a feed.

However you think your child sleeps, there is some background knowledge and some universal truths around sleep that can support any parent around sleep. Newborn sleep can be a great misnomer for many parents because we all see pictures of newborns sleeping peacefully and hear how they sleep 16-18 hours out of 24. So, when a parent finds that their newborn in fact sleeps very little or is difficult to settle, they wonder what is wrong with their baby. When a baby is born, they are infused with melatonin passed along by the mother, so generally will sleep well for the first 2-3 weeks, unless they have a medical issue. They may sleep at all the wrong times, but they sleep. At around 3 weeks babies become much more aware of the world around them and unfortunately at that age are producing extremely low levels of melatonin which is the hormone that makes us drowsy and helps us ease into sleep. This hormone develops with age and becomes generally more significant around 12 weeks of age. Then you should begin to notice your baby showing more obvious signs of tiredness and being easier to ease into sleep.

Another truth is that each baby has a temperament that may make them easier or harder to settle into sleep or even to soothe when upset. Just be aware of your child’s temperament and create a sleep environment that supports it. A more sensitive, alert baby or child will need an environment that is dark and calm, even for day sleeps. Many parents ask if it confuses your child’s sleep clock if you sleep them in a dark space in the day. If playtime is in a light space and feeds spaced regularly in the day, this will not confuse your child’s internal time clock. Dark spaces encourage the production and release of melatonin, so this is very beneficial to sleep at any age.

The largest enemy to sleep is in fact over tiredness and can make sleep more wakeful and make it much more difficult for your child to sleep. This truth will continue right through your child’s preschool years and beyond so if you are finding it hard to read your child’s-tired cues, google the ‘wake times’ for your child’s age and use that as your guide.

The other most significant impact on your baby’s sleep is their thinking around sleep associations. We all know children like things to stay the same and change can throw them into a complete meltdown. So, look at what your child is observing every day around sleep, the cues that you are giving them and check that these are what you want your baby or child to have.

Whatever they are doing to go to sleep most of the time will be how they view sleep, and they will predictably fight against change around this expectation. Most children develop something to help them settle. This can vary from rubbing the back of their head on the mattress, to stroking something, sucking a dummy, feeding to sleep etc. Dummies can be the most useful tool in the first three months while your child’s sucking reflex is extremely strong, and they are hard to settle but after that it pays to wean this out of your routine. At three months you can begin to unswaddle your baby as the startle reflex calms and they can begin to find their own thumb if they are still determined to suck. This can prevent the dummy falling out of their mouth during sleep and waking them up syndrome.

It is not only getting your child to sleep that can be tricky. Sleep cycles generally last about 45mins and finish with a period of light sleep where your child comes almost to the surface of awareness, gathers their sleep associations back into play and resettles into the next sleep cycle (all without you or them being aware that it happened). However, if their sleep association activities or objects are not present this will cause them to wake up and look for them. Therefore, an ideal sleep routine involves routines and objects that will be easily available to them all through the night.

If your child has a sleep association that is not working for them or you, all is not lost. Sleep can be adjusted at any age if you are willing to persist and be consistent. Make one small change at a time. Build a ‘before sleep routine’ that tells your child what is going to happen next and is predictable and then implement that one small change consistently until it becomes your child’s new normal, then you can do the next small change. Work slowly towards your sleep goals. You can do it!

Once sleep is looking the way you wish it, persist in practicing routines and try to have at least one sleep a day in their bed so they are practiced at it. Resilience with sleep can be a great gift to give you and your child.

*please be mindful that when child are teething or unwell, sleep routines will be altered*

Take a look at our blog articles and resource page for more ideas and support.